Greetings
HEBREWS 10:24-25 (NLT) “Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
This was a verse sent out in the Purpose Driven LIfe Devotional today. Rick Warren states “Over and over again in the New Testament we find this basic truth: Believers need relationships with each other to grow!” Hebrews 10:24,25 is just one of such verses that Rick highlighted that states this truth. We were created to be a body of believers. A body made up of many parts (personalities, giftings, needs etc..)
Leaders and members at HOPE have heard in the past and still hear today that there are those in HOPE’s membership that feel unconnected, lonely, friendless etc….. Yesterday those very words came to my ears yet again. In fact, yesterday immediately following the service I was asked the question “How can we change this at HOPE so people do feel connected, like they belong, that there is a place for them?” JOHN 13:35 “All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.”
I know that in my ’short’ stint as a Pastoral Elder that was a common concern that was shared with me. A concern that I found very overwhelming. If I belong to a church, I am a member, I have ownership, I am involved – then how can I be alone, unconnected? There is no easy answer to that question because each and every person is created uniquely which means each person would define being “connected” in their own way. What each of us needs to feel connected will be different from another’s needs. How we even define ‘membership’ will be very different from one person to the next. 1 PETER 1:22 “Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love on another deeply, from the heart.”
I promised that I would put this concern of loneliness, not feeling connected etc. out through the prayer chain. As a team of prayer warriors, committed to praying for our church we need to pray about this. We need to seek God’s will in this concern / issue.
If you are reading this and you are one of those persons that feels unconnected, lonely, no place to serve or belong etc. at HOPE or you know of someone who has shared this very concern for themselves or perhaps you have no idea how someone could feel this way at HOPE but you have suggestions or ideas how this issue might be addressed then please, share your thoughts and suggestions. Talk to your pastoral elder, write a letter of recommendation or proposal to your church leaders that might offer fellowship opportunies ie: once a month pot lucks, small groups, times of social gathering etc….. Of course, in doing this you need to be willing to be part of that vision. It takes an entire body of believers to be a church. We all need to take ownership for solutions to concerns because we are the body. Believers do need to be in fellowship with other believers to grow. God created us to be in community.
As we lift this up in prayer, may God speak to our hearts. ALPHA, small groups, cell groups, pot lucks, soups on etc. provide community and also spur one another on just as Hebrews 10:24-25 states. Let us not give up meeting together……. May God inspire us to grow together…… May God show us how to be the church that He created HOPE to be.
ROMANS 12:10 “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.” 1 THESS 4:9 “Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other.”
Have a wonderful week
blessings and love
Karen
The following are some responses to the above letter:
Hi Karen
We used to do coffee houses on Sunday which was a good way to get to meet people
But again it can’t be the same people offering and receiving. People who feel isolated or lonely in the church need to reach out without apprehension.
It is also worth noting so we are brought back to awareness that we do tend to socialize in cliques. Reminding us to reach out and “touch” someone new each week can be a personal challenge for each one of us.
Hello all,
First off, every church has this problem… And this is VERY wrong!!
But I don’t by any means believe there is nothing that can be done to change the situation (and I’m not talking about a temporary fix/bandaid, I mean serious change that will last [so long as people commit to working on this change]).
Here is the solution:
Every SINGLE person needs to start changing themselves… Brett Ullman spoke to the youth, leaders and parents on Friday and Saturday this past weekend and he said how we tend to chase the actions instead of starting at the root of the problem (which if we do start at the root of the problem it will change something which will in turn change our actions [I don't have the words he used, but I have them at home, or maybe someone else remembers what it was and can pass it on, but if not, when I get home tonight I will forward it to everybody again]).
He also said that to bring about change we need to pretty much start with ouselves and change what our Biblical worldview and I believe that if we deal with these issues within ourselves then we will naturally just be driven to fellowship with anybody that comes into the church. (I am now going to try to remember what the 5 things were… so bear with me)
1. Solitude – We need to (daily) take time out and BE QUIET, and just focus on God (not on what we have to do for the week, so bring paper and a pen and write it all down, that way you won’t be distracted by those tiny details).
2. Prayer, fasting and reading – This is great what he says about these 3 things. Some people say “How do you pray? Where do you begin?” Answer: “You pray!” And learn to pray without ceasing. Stop saying Amen 
“How do you read your Bible?” Answer: “You read” 
… Fasting? Try not listening to your iPod, or watching t.v. or _____ whatever it is in your life that you could spend your time reading your Bible…. (I know that sentence is horribly gramatically incorrect, but sometimes, that’s just the way I talk! Hahahaha)
3. Sacrifice/Financial giving – Brett gave this awesome example: Take a piece of paper and write out everything you speant your money on in the last year. Oh by the way, you can’t include anything you spent on you, your friends or your family. I’ll admit that I (this is me talking now) have about 7 points down on my piece of paper… There sure is a lot more space on that paper that HAS to be filled up!
Matt 6:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
4. :( I can’t remember at this point and time…. but I will get back to you all later. Unless someone else remembers and can fill in the blank for me
5. See #4.
Anyways. What does everybody think? And I’m not trying to say that nobody is doing this, but imagine what would happen if EVERYBODY lived like this?!
Ooo here’s another couple of quotes Brett said (this one is from an author… which once again, I have the name of at home)
“If you do not worship Christ 7 days a week, you do not worship Him one day”
And I’m sorry for those that have heard this one a number of times for me, but it just makes SO much sense!!
Brett: “Hey, my names Brett, I’m a football player.”
Karly: “Oh really? Where do you play?”
Brett: “Oh I don’t actually play”
***stunned silence as we all realize what this means to us***
Now that I’ve given away a lot of what Brett speaks about I hope you’ll still listen to him if we get him to come talk to our church one Sunday morning
Ok, I think that’s all I have to sugest… Oh wait, in case anyone is wondering, I’m not sitting here thinking that this is all going to happen overnight (It very well could, but something like this needs to take time…) So you can all be my accountability partners when it comes to this because I am committing to doing this in my life to help change the current situation.
And please call me on anything I said if you think I missed something crucial or don’t understand something else… or just whatever…. This is what I said, I would like to hear you say “I’m hearing what your saying, but this is what it sounds like your meaning” So that I can say “No that’s not what I mean!” Or to say “Good point, thanks so much for bringing that to my attention/I never thought of it that way before…” (And in case anybody is wondering, I am fighting prideful thoughts ALL the time and I am trying my best to be humble, I really truly just want to live the life that God is calling us as Christians to live)
Thanks for listening everybody!
Like Response B I also feel very compelled to respond to Karen’s concern and request When reading this I can almost not believe we are talking about the same Hope Church. Maybe you can redefine for me the feeling of loneliness. I am not sure if loneliness is not being visited, depressed, or ignored. I cannot understand how someone could feel lonely in our church. It almost seems impossible. From the time I have been a member here (almost 23 years) I cannot think of a closer and more compassionate group of people. When I was out of commission because of my back I was brought to tears by the love and support we received as a family and personally. When Ros left for university again we were overwhelmed by our loving congregation for our daughter. We have many opportunities to bridge this ‘unconnected ‘ feeling. Almost weekly we hear of opportunities to help or be involved with Alpha , Sunday School, Youth Groups, Prayer, Ladies society and the list can go on and on. A pot luck supper or other social gatherings are not going to fix this. If you get involved I can almost guarantee that you will get a sense of ownership, renew friendships and explore stepping outside of the box. I think the Pastoral Elders have done an exceptional job ministering to those who may need an extra measure of love and support in times of need. They have been there for prayer or a time to share after our services. PM had a great prayer request before Christmas and that was to make our ‘friendship circles’ u shaped instead. Talking and sharing meals or coffee and even just a chat in the washroom with someone you don’t usually talk too can have very positive effects. If I have completely missed the boat on this one let me know. I will try to make it my priority to pray for more smiling faces and more a even more connected church
Response D:
I love this conversation!
I’ve been with HOPE almost from the beginning – when we worshipped in the Presbyterian church. I’ve had different levels of involvement over the years but I have often heard that there were/are people who feel “outside” of the circle. It is a difficult problem to address for there are many complex reasons for it. As response C suggests they may quietly be hurting, but it may not even be that simple. Let’s continue to pray that we may bless and welcome everyone that we meet and may we each be willing to stretch our own circle to include others.
- Response E
Hi Karen: Thanks for addressing this issue in our Church (and others). J and I have felt very privileged to have been included and enfolded in a group of “seniors” at Hope, but also feel accepted by the “younger” folks as well. Perhaps because of our involvement with Alpha. However, Jake and I have discussed in the past, the lack of welcoming/including some of the younger people who’ve attended our Church and slipped away because they didn’t feel accepted.
I know that we all get “comfortable” within our own circles and are hesitant to move beyond them to get to know others. I think the demise of cell groups, “guess who’s coming for coffee”, and now Alpha, has added to this problem.
Let’s all make an effort to make EVERYONE welcome at Hope and I would be more than willing to be part of a group to initiate some of these social events …I’m rather limited as far as mobility is concerned, but I am willing to do whatever I can to change this situation.
We all need each other and everyone has something to offer as we grow in grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour.
As I look around the fellowship hall on Sundays, I see folks who are never invited for coffee or a meal to someone’s home to my knowledge. We need to change that
Great emails, everyone. My two cents worth:
Like Response C, I’ve felt connected and enfolded for most of my 26 years at Hope.
I should also note that during that time I’ve participated in: Coffee Break, Ladies Society, Gems, Praise Team, Council, Nursery, Alpha, Missions/Outreach, Sunday School, VBS, Couples Club, Cell Group, Furniture/Decorating Committee, Soups On, Serve, Pre-marriage classes (hey, this wasn’t all at the same time). Oh yeah, and I typed the bulletin for about 5 years.
Am I boasting? No, but I really think getting involved gets you feeling… involved, and connected. Its a by-product.
I can appreciate that there are people who attend Hope Church and feel lonely, but I really don’t see how a person could feel disconnected if they became involved with others. And there are so many opportunities to become involved.
When I hear comments like Karen’s, I wish I just knew who these lonely people were, so I could invite them over and make sure they have chances to feel included. Could we have a list?? Sometimes its a guessing game, as maybe some of the lonely people are ones who seem to have it all together… does anyone know what I mean?
Well Karen, your email is bringing us all together! I guess the Lord works in mysterious ways
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Response G
I feel so very tired and stressed…and I’ve also been reading our church discussions on aloneness……..I guess I have a whole different perspective on this topic.
Response H
It breaks my heart to hear that there are still some souls in our “family” that sense disconnected and lonely. Just sitting here in my pajamas I am so saddened by this my eyes well up with tears feeling for these people ,what could have been my plight except for the grace of God. I have never felt disassociated or alone since I have been a member of Hope Church. We have such a great church family, and so much that we all can be part of, that it is sad to believe that there are still some that do not feel like partners. I am so hugely thankful, especially with all the garbage I have been dealing with these last months. I do know that for myself, God gave me times of quietness socially, over my lifetime, to draw closer to him. I am not trying to insinuate anything here, but I know that my times of quietness have been times of great blessing.
Life is about relationships, with God and with others. I know I have boasted how blessed Hope Church is. Perhaps it is in my boasting that God is trying to teach me something about the gaps in our family that yet have to be filled. Perhaps it is also Satans way of creating weakness and doubt . I do believe that through our prayers and gifts we can help those who are in need, and I know that we all do that already.
So……I am truly thankful for Hope Church and I am going to pray that God tells my one way or another what I can do for someone else to perhaps ease their feelings of lonliness.
Response I
I have been reading what every one has written and must confess I am a little concerned with the discussions that have been taking place. Each one of us has, I’m sure, an antidote or “cure” for the feeling of loneliness but when your in that particular “place” antidotes seem unattainable. Lets just collectively pray and keep our ears and eyes open for opportunities for God to show us how to listen, help and heal. Thank you for letting me take part.
Response L
I must confess I can’t understand why anyone would be even a little concerned with the ”antidotes” or suggestions that have been brought forward by people from Hope congregation.
Personally, I’ve found the suggestions helpful and encouraging, so keep ‘em coming.
In fact, keeping our “ears and eyes open” sounds suspiciously like a suggestion or antidote, and a great one at that.
There aren’t any one-size-fits-all solutions for the problems of loneliness, since the reasons vary as do the temperments of the afflicted. I’ve been “in that place” myself, but did not feel “antidotes seemed unattainable.”
I don’t believe this forum should be a substitute for prayer, but through it I feel the fellowship of believers.
And long live freedom of speech.
Person L
